Monday, July 14, 2008

Kids, No kids- A life divded

I have said it before and I am sure I will say it 100 more times (or a billion, I won't count if you won't) I am divorced. And pretty fortunately the boys' Dad is a very active father. This is a relatively new thing. And by new I mean post divorce.

When we were married the man passed out upon coming home from work, woke up for dinner and then passed out again only to wake up to play video games once the children were safely asleep for the night. But now that we are divorced (for about 2 years now) he is a great Dad. He cares, he comes to doctor visits, he is in on the IEP and we make most of the major parenting decisions together. (Enter lots of odd, awkward conversations when one of us over shares or the other wants to know something that the other doesn't want to give up, picture two people doing a stare down at the local Starbucks- yep, that is what they put the tables there for...and you thought it was Wi-fi)

He even takes the kids one night a week and every other weekend. I can hear you thinking...Did this girl just say that she gets one night a week and alternating weekends off? I know I know, Most mothers would crawl over jagged glass for a free, reliable babysitter, I mean just food shopping alone, buying a bra without multiple children hanging from your leg or even, hell, just getting her eyebrows waxed without a four year old putting his fingers in hot wax.. yeah ....I KNOW that I am blessed.

Its odd though, this system of ours. He never wants to go more than 4 days without seeing his let me spell this out...stick with me here...if its my kid weekend he takes them the Thursday night prior to my weekend. I have them Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday...His night night Wednesday, Thursday, then his weekend starts Friday at 4 pm. I get them back on Sunday, he takes them on Thursday, the cycle repeats....So after school stuff? Doctors visits? I do my best not to have them on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights. Birthday parties? Oh dear. We pass them on to the parent that has the kids that weekend. If its during the week whoever has the kids takes them to the party unless one of us is friendly with that parent...we talk and feel this stuff out for the most part. But either way my calender is filled with the letters NK, K, NK, K...I just can't do that kind of projection in my head.

In some ways this is PERFECT. I mean, every book that I have ever read on Asperger's Syndrome says that a parent must try to find time for themselves, a hobby, a way of keeping sane. And I have one. Its court ordered! I get to ride my bike, do kid free food shopping and hang out with friends. Feel free to yell, curse and hate me right about this second...I think I would hate me too if I were reading this Its pretty neat, except I think I may be developing a split personality.

Make a list of all this things that you would rather do with out your kids. I'll start you off with food more? Great. but you do them anyway, you drag the kids along. People stare, your kids learn manners and Target lives on after you have left. Now picture trying to schedule all those things into one night a week and every other weekend. I run around like a person whose to do list is going to burn a hole through her hand.

This mommy thing is a mindset. You don't even realize it until you don't have to be mommy on a regular basis. Switching back and forth can do a number on you. Am I the mommy in control of the youngins or am I the single girl on a date or at a kegger with her boyfriend? This has happened. Someday I will post pictures.

Ever start a post at 9pm but finish it at 11pm and wonder what you were trying to say? I am so tired and it is a mommy night- camp lunches need to be made. Why this post took so long? Why it was started until 9? That is another post entirely.

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